3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
