Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
