my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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