dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
