Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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