I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
