I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
