It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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