Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
