i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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