a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
