i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
