girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize