my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
