I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
two words...techno handjob
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
