and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm at about main and main street
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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