You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize