dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
