I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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