I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
