Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
