so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
