Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it's like iHOP with fire
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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