don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
did i just pee glitter
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
