if you like me you must not know who I am
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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