I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
