Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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