i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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