One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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