im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
