An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
