I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
