My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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