My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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