It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
