No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
