you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
did i just pee glitter
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
