If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
