I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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