don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
