so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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