Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
