would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
