She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
