i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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