She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I believe in your delicious
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
