I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize