she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
