tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize