Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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