hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
