the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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