im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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