I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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