i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
