My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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