I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
