we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
