Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
