I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
