Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
