dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
