I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
