yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
