I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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