Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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